I’ve been thinking about where I live an abnormal amount lately. We’re selling our house and preparing to move, so every thought of mine is consumed with this.
I love the comfort and consistency of home and if I’m being honest, I
dislike hate change. And moving means change. And change isn’t fun for me. Even good change.
Can you relate?
Where do you run when panic attacks?
If you’ve been around here any length of time then you’re familiar with how much I talk about fear and anxiety and how far I’ve come. But because of my tendency towards anxiety, even now, I try desperately to keep things comfortable, safe and unchanging. Good luck—I know.
What is often hard to understand is how change causes anxiety and anxiety often leads to the same undesirable destination; panic.
When I used to experience panic attacks regularly I felt I needed somewhere safe to run. But what I quickly learned was that there really was nowhere safe to run because no matter where I ran, my anxiety always followed me. Dang persistent thing.
Here I am, all of these years later, and old habits still die hard. I can easily get caught up in trying to make this Earthly home my ultimate safe place. I truly enjoy making my little nest cozy for my people and me. So much so that I feel if you were to take my nest away, I’d be a sad little bird without a place to softly land.
And nowhere safe to run and hide.
Somewhere safe to run
There’s nothing wrong with having safe spaces and comfortable homes here on this Earth. I actually think this is one of God’s many blessings in giving us a beautiful Earth and a desire to make it lovely. However, what I so easily forget, is this place—as wonderful as I can make it—is not my safe place.
It ultimately is not my home.
While where I dwell is important, it’s far more important to understand who I dwell in.
He who dwells in the shelter of the most high will abide in the shadow of the almighty. Psalm 91:1
After years of trying to “create” safe around me, I’ve learned that safe is inside me. Not because of me but because of my Savior, Jesus.
Friend, it’s taken me quite a while to see that instead of running away from something I have to run to someone.
Someone safe enough to lean into and someone dependable enough to always be present when I need them. My shelter isn’t made of wood, sheetrock, and cute shiplap, it’s made of arms too big to be seen and love too enormous to understand.
In the shadow of his wings is where my soul meets His and where I am quiet, no matter what is whirling all around me—this is home.
He is the only safe place to run when it feels as though there is nowhere safe to hide.
Believe me, friend, I know the feeling of being chased down by all the scary things in my head until I’m pinned in a corner. It’s not that the urge to run ever goes away… I just know now I have someone’s arms to run into.
And let me tell you; this is the safest place I have ever lived.
We are home in him
No matter where we live, our shelter is temporary here. Whether it’s in an apartment or a mansion, moving from place to place or the same home your entire life, the truth remains the same; this isn’t really your home.
We are safe at home wherever we are in him. And that, my friend, is wherever you happen to be.
Maybe you’re feeling a little in-between like me, moving houses or moving jobs. Perhaps something big looms on the horizon and fear is trying to steal your peace because in the waiting all you can see is the what-ifs. Maybe you are staring into a huge transition and a terrible outcome.
I don’t know exactly what is happening in your life. But I can promise you this one thing—he does.
He is waiting for you to run to him. He is your shelter if you will allow him to be. If you trust him he is forever faithful and there is no safer place to land.
Whatever the outcome, whatever the case, please understand that when you are in him you have a shelter that is secure and safe. You are dwelling in the shadow of the almighty God and no move or change, no matter how far or big can remove you from the safety of his covering.
Always preaching to myself
I’m not sure if this is something you needed today but it sure is a helpful reminder for me. Maybe you can relate when I say I struggle tremendously with a natural bent towards creating my own worst-case scenarios.
If this speaks to you today, remember, it is of the utmost importance to first, know, and secondly, remind ourselves that we are always safe when we are in him.
This truly is our greatest weapon in the fight against running from the fear that chases us—it’s knowing we’ve already arrived safely home.
As always, friend, thank you for stopping by,
Valerie M Benedict says
Thank you Susan. I needed to be reminded. I do not know if you have heard but my husband went to be with our Lord 6/19/19. I am here living on Larch Mtn by myself and God has not shown me yet how to move on because my brother n law who is half owner, does not want to sell. Miss you! Love, Val from Barb’s BS Table.
Susan McIlmoil says
Oh Val, I am truly so very sorry to hear that. I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. I pray for God’s guiding hand to help you in being able to move on from that particular home and for him to nudge your brother-in-law’s heart to think of what you’re going through over any financial gain. And especially for healing in your grief. I’m so sorry. I miss seeing you too! We need to have a lunch date (Barb and I were just saying that as well)