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You are here: Home / Anxiety / Living With the Certainty of Victory

Living With the Certainty of Victory

My dad was an ardent 49ers fan. He grew up on the sky-high sloping streets of San Francisco, a stone’s throw from the old Kezar Stadium, where his nighttime lullaby was the roaring crowd on game day. Because of this, my brothers and I were raised on a steady regimen of football tales and 49er lore, which couldn’t be outdone by Dad’s love of the fog that blanketed the city by the bay.

My dad was peculiar in many ways, loving stormy days and foggy nights instead of sun and clear skies. But one of his quirkier habits was to record the 49ers’ games and not watch them live. He couldn’t handle the stress of watching his favorite team play in real-time. Dad had a strict policy of not knowing what happened in the game until it was over. When he finally checked who won, if the 49ers lost, he’d forget there was a game and delete the recording. However, if they won, he’d have a “Niner” night and watch the game with peace of mind, knowing the outcome.

My brothers and I still chuckle at Dad’s eccentricity. However, I can’t help but understand some of his football-taping habits. It’s nice to know at the beginning that it will end how you’d like—with a victory.


Victory is sure

We know Jesus wins. Just like Marty McFly took the DeLorean from the past and jumped to the future, we, too, can see the end works out as it should. We have the book, we’ve heard the story—read it front to back, following along with all those who’ve gone long before us—from the fall to standing alongside Jesus in glory. We know He’ll rise from His current seated state and stand victorious one day over the entire Earth as the righteous judge. Ever since Eve held her baby boy and proclaimed, “I’ve gotten a man from the Lord,” humanity has waited expectantly.

But this in-between. It feels brutal and hopeless most of the time. I’ve heard it called the “messy middle.” Even on good days, evil lurks somewhere just down the street or right in the palm of our hand as we swipe up, reminding us that we are far from utopia.

Knowing the end but living in the “messy middle” is like living out life in a full-scale reenactment battle. It looks so ugly and impossible that good will ever triumph over evil. Yet, we all get up and go home at the end.

We’re told in great detail that good does win.

The Old Testament prophets to the Revelation of Jesus promise us the ultimate victory of good over evil.

For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth, and the former shall not be remembered or come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create…” Isaiah 65: 17-19

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21: 3-4

Death shall be no more, and living like victory is certain.

I think one of the most challenging things about living here in the messy middle is death. An old friend of ours died right before Christmas. And just this week, I received a phone call about another friend dying unexpectedly. But truthfully, it wasn’t unexpected. We know death is a certainty for us all. We live fully aware that every one of us will die—and that day can come at any time—and yet, each new phone call shocks us.

Friend, I don’t know about you, but I’m battling lately to live in the “messy middle” in a way that shouts to the world that victory is sure. I don’t want to “grieve as others do who have no hope.” 

But sometimes, I fail to do this well.

I’m convinced that spending time with Jesus is the only remedy.

Here, we are reminded that this whole reenactment battle plays out exactly as God says it will, with victory. I long to—as Paul says in Romans—consider it a fact that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing to the glory to be revealed to us. 

And oh, the glory that will be revealed!

I imagine John watching the Revelation of Jesus play out before him, mouth gaping while an angel stands close to push it shut. John peeked into heaven, witnessing the victory amidst the mess, and we now have the privilege of reading about it. He wrote hoping we would stand with gaping mouths and streaming tears, beholding the glory while entrenched in pain. God pulled back the curtain to bless all who read, hear, and keep what is written while living in the mess.

This isn’t going to end the way you think.

Those who know Jesus Christ as our savior, friend, and God have a gift to give this tired, weary world. It’s the gift of hope that is sure— a hope that is secure, hard-fought, and won before Adam and Eve ever even thought of taking the fruit from the tree.

Friend, we have the golden ticket of God’s presence in a hurting world and the sureness of His victory in the world to come.


Watch the game like we’ve already won.

Dad has been gone for three years now. He won’t be taping the football game this next Sunday and waiting to see if his beloved 49ers win their 6th Super Bowl. I doubt he cares much about football now. But my brothers and I will watch the game and think of Dad with smiles, reminiscing how he used to watch it, knowing they’d already won.

I want to live life like my dad watched the 49ers play: watching the hard spaces with a smile because Jesus’ secured victory is never farther than the book in my hand and the truth in my heart.

Will you join me today in living like my dad watched football—with the certainty of victory?


Is there a place where you’re struggling to claim the truth of victory while walking through the hard? Could you take it to Jesus and ask Him to show you a peek of heaven today? We’re told He faithfully answers if we ask.


As always, friend, thank you for stopping by,

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  1. Lois Flowers says

    February 11, 2024 at 10:49 pm

    I love this so much, Susan. If I were the only person in my house, I think I’d watch football like your dad, except I’d be having “Chiefs nights” instead of “Niner nights.” 🙂 Grief in the messy middle is so hard. Thanks for pointing us back to our eternal hope.

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    • Susan McIlmoil says

      February 12, 2024 at 3:03 pm

      I’m so glad you enjoyed this, Lois! You’re celebrating today! Lol, Good game! And yes, this middle is not easy, but I so appreciate the reminders all through scripture that we already have victory secured. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and commenting!

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  2. Mandy Farmer says

    February 10, 2024 at 1:43 pm

    Thanks for the reminder that God is with us right here in the messy middle.

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    • Susan McIlmoil says

      February 12, 2024 at 3:01 pm

      You are very welcome, Mandy! I need this reminder daily.

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Following Jesus | Helping Others Choose Faith over Fear | Writer ✍🏻 | Faith Blogger | Anxiety Fighter | Fire 🔥 Wife | #boymom | Lover of Words |

December 21st, three days before Christmas, marked December 21st, three days before Christmas, marked the winter solstice for the Northern Hemisphere, the shortest day and the longest night. Although Christmas is said to be the “best time of the year,” winter can feel brutal for those struggling with the dark, frigid months and many battle with grief more at Christmas than at other times of the year. 

Perhaps grief and loneliness feel closer to you than anyone else this Christmas or maybe your world feels more fearful than faith-filled even though people surround you. If this is your struggle today, you are sincerely not alone.

We may be in the darkest, coldest time of the year—and perhaps you are in your darkest season—but Christmas day reminds us of the promise that the Light is coming to stay. One day, Jesus will return to end the endless winter and darkest night, not as a helpless baby but as a conquering king.

The celebration of Christmas isn’t just the fact that He once came; It is that He has promised to return. No matter how dark the night or cold the hour, His Light shines over the horizon.

Friend, keep faithfully looking to the dawn on the horizon where the Light is and where your hope stands firm. Fear not; this winter won’t last forever, which is reason enough to rejoice this Christmas.

Merry Christmas. ❤️
Full devotion at Crossmap.com (link in bio)
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Genesis 12:3-5

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I haven’t “introduced” myself in quite a while, an I haven’t “introduced” myself in quite a while, and I know how it is to follow a Social account, forget I followed it, and then see something pop up and wonder who it’s from and when I started following them. (Full disclosure: This has been known to happen within one day.)🤷🏻‍♀️

So, here goes: Hi 👋🏼 I’m Susan. I’m a writer, blogger, extroverted introvert, worrier, fear fighter, anxiety survivor, believer in Jesus, encourager, wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt and friend. 

* I write words that encourage and uplift. A few years ago, I started my blog, carryonmyheart, because writing helped me process and get everything inside my head “out.”

* The name of my blog contains the last words my grandma spoke to my family and me. You can click on the link in my bio if you’re curious about that. ❤️

* I’ve been blessed to have my writing published, a dream I never thought possible.

* I’m a very private person, so writing words that go out into the world is not easy or comfortable for me, but I feel it’s essential for a few reasons: I write to tell my story, talk about Jesus, and make sense of the nonsensical. I write to encourage others who battle with fear, anxiety, panic, depression and wrestle with faith because I know what it feels like to think you’re alone in that struggle.

* I have four brothers, married someone who has 6 brothers and I have 3 sons. No sisters or daughters but I’ve been blessed with wonderful sister-in-laws and amazing nieces. ❤️

* I’ve been married for 25 years to a firefighter. I have three sons; one is in Army basic training, one just graduated college, and the last is in high school and going through driver’s Ed. ( I AM SO THANKFUL this is the last kid I have to teach to drive!)😅

* My favorite thing to do is laugh and I’m drawn to funny people. I have amazing girlfriends that bring me so much joy. We get together and do ridiculous things (like taking prom pictures ), and laugh so hard our faces hurt. 

* And lastly, I have the cutest dog and cat. The older I get, the more I love my animals. I think my phone has more pictures of them than my kids. 😂

Is there anything you can relate to? I’d love to know. 🥰
I know not every ending is good, and not every beg I know not every ending is good, and not every beginning is beautiful—there is a portion of pain in most endings and even some beginnings. But I know God finds us, walks with us, and loves us best in the things that hurt, change, end, and begin.

Sometimes, we hold so tightly to the ending that we miss the beautiful beginning just around the corner. I pray today that we’ll look past the ending and see what God has in store over the horizon.

Read more: link in bio ✨

#carryonmyheart #christianblogger #faithblogger #encouragementwriter #faithwriter
I guess this is my cue that I’m done writing for t I guess this is my cue that I’m done writing for the day 🤷🏻‍♀️🥰😆 The minute they see me sit down in a comfortable spot to write they assume I’ve made them a bed. 

(To all you writers or people that work from home: do your animals do this?!) 

#carryonmyheart #faithwriter #encouragementwriter #faithbloggers #faithblogger
One week ago, our Logan left for basic training. H One week ago, our Logan left for basic training. He took the last couple of weeks off of work before leaving to spend time with family, friends, and his beloved old truck, which he’s worked hard to finish. 😂

I’m so thankful for that precious time with him before he left. We did things every day, like running errands, where we could spend time talking about life. We went to the zoo as a family—something we did often when the boys were little—and took a vacation with family, where we ate good food and laughed a lot. Finally, our beautiful family and friends who love him big came and covered him in hugs, kisses and prayer. 

Then, the day I was dreading came: we drove to the airport; I hugged him tight, reminded him to eat and be safe, and watched him walk through TSA while I spilled warm, salty tears. That drive home was the quietest drive we’ve ever taken.

Six days after he’d gone, I got a surprise FaceTime call from a soldier who looked a lot like my son. We patched Dad in, who was at the fire department, so Loges could show off his dog tags and shaved head and share that he had taken a trip to the emergency room. But he’s okay. 

“He’s okay.” It’s what I whisper these days—more like holy words, spilling out as prayer while I pass by his too-quiet bedroom.

Yes, it’s “just” basic training, and he’ll be back. But let me tell you: as I watched him walk through those metal detectors and disappear among the throngs of people, I knew then that life would never entirely be the same. 

Something ended. Something began. 

This kid has always had the heart of a servant. I knew from the time he was five or six that he would do something selfless. It’s just in his nature. And I’ve been holding my breath ever since.

I am beyond proud of this young man and the servant’s heart he possesses, but boy, is it hard on my heart. I miss him. Period. I can’t wait to give him the biggest hug when I see him again. ❤️ 

And also. Please pray for our troops… and their moms. I can safely speak for every military mom; we appreciate it. ❤️🙏🏻

#mysonisarmystrong
(2Corinthians 12:8-9) Paul’s message in this scri (2Corinthians 12:8-9) 
Paul’s message in this scripture is not one of defeat, where we shrug our shoulders and say, “Well, I tried,” No, it’s one of victory! It’s the key to understanding how God’s power is perfected. His strength rests with the weak, the struggling, the poor, and the grieving. The truth we so often forget is that our humanity is what qualifies us to carry God’s power. Jesus granted to us, through the Holy Spirit, the “Divine power” for “All things that pertain to life and godliness.” (2 Peter 1:3)

This world will tell us to overcome, ignore, and banish our weaknesses. However, God tells us to rest in his grace, which is enough for him to do his powerful, perfect work. His strength shines brightest when we finally lay it all down and admit, “I’m weak; I can’t do this.”

The truth is that your weakness can be the most significant conduit of God’s power. Knowing this should cause us to victoriously shout aloud with Paul, “When I am weak, then I am strong!” 

#carryonmyheart #christianblogger #strongandcourageous #powerinweakness
Just incase you or someone you love need this remi Just incase you or someone you love need this reminder today:

I know people have made you feel this way—and most likely even your own mind—but you’re not crazy. I promise. The panic that keeps hammering you and the thoughts that won’t stop spinning has a name: They are panic and anxiety. Again, no, you’re not crazy.

YOU’RE HUMAN. 

#anxiety #panicattacks #hopeforanxiety 
#truthandkindness 

❤️‍🩹link in bio to finish reading
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I’m a wife to Don, who happens to be my best friend. I’m also a mama to three wonderful, fun, and dashing young men. I love words and writing, and I love encouraging others to follow Jesus and trust Him with their lives.
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