My parents never did the whole Santa thing when I was a kid.
They said it was because Jesus was the true reason for Christmas and maybe something else about Santa being spelled Satan when you flipped the letters. (Yes, that’s sarcasm, on the off-chance that someone was planning on sending hate emails, although, if you were an 80’s kid like me, you’ve totally heard that.)
As I look back, I’m not entirely convinced that my mom was solely concerned with my spiritual welfare. I can’t be positive—because mom would never admit to it—but I think she couldn’t do the whole Santa story because she needed me to be the wrapper for Christmas. (Notice wr-wrapper, not “the rapper,” although I have been known to drop a sick beat.)
Truth is, the whole Santa story would have been blown to oblivion with me wrapping all the presents and then rapping’ sick beats about it.
Another reason it wouldn’t have worked is that our family celebrated on Christmas Eve. So, Santa was mid-flight while my four brothers and I were already knee-deep in shiny wrapping paper.
Alas, no Santa for us.
We were definitely non-traditionalists, but no one could accuse my parents of making Christmas boring. We had a ton of fun and I never felt like I missed out on anything. Because of this, I honestly always thought the whole concept of Santa was ridiculous… until I had kids.
Why we don’t do Santa Claus
Have you been good?
When my husband and I had our first son I went on auto-pilot and said “no Santa.” I didn’t even know why. I grew up in a Santaless home, so my kids would grow up in a Santaless home.
Period. End of story.
I didn’t think it through.
The older my boys became, Santa was everywhere. We’d be in a grocery store line checking out and the cashier would ask my son, “Are you being good so that Santa will bring everything you want?” My oldest son is rather quiet and would just stare blankly at the person.
My middle son, however, is far more chatty and would confidently proclaim, “Santa’s not real!” This would receive an awkward glance and a disapproving stare as the receipt was handed over.
I have been questioned more times than I can count for why I don’t do Santa with my kids.
“Where’s the magic and wonder?!” I would often be asked.
I started to feel pressured into putting on the facade every December along with the rest of the world so my kids would have this “magic and wonder” that they were so clearly missing.
Lying to my kids about a man who was watching their every move and sneaking into our home every 24th of December, just didn’t feel right. Not to mention, I didn’t want that to be the focus of Christmas.
Through all of this though, I still didn’t have a solid answer as to why the whole Santa idea left me so unsettled.
Naughty or nice?
I was out and about one busy December afternoon with my youngest son while my older two were in school.
The fateful question came tumbling out of a well-meaning stranger’s lips, “Are you being a good boy for mommy so that Santa will come and bring you lots of Christmas gifts?”
In an instant, my stomach dropped as I hated the question that was being asked.
And I finally knew why…
While driving home I peered in my rearview mirror and saw the blue eyes of my youngest looking back at me. Smiling at mama with a sticky purple sucker in his mouth and all over his face—I adored him.
“Honey, do you have to be good all the time for mommy to love you?”
His pouty little lips pushed out his sucker as he thought this over.
“No, you always lub me.” He finally answered.
“That’s right, I do always love you!” “No matter what you were to ever do, mommy and daddy will always love you.” He beamed, satisfied he answered correctly.
“Do you know who else loves you no matter what?” I continued, glancing in my rear-view. “Jesus!” I exclaimed.
Do good, get good
We live in an unfortunate world that tells us if we “do good” we’ll get good, which, let’s be honest, isn’t always the case.
I had finally realized that far away day in December what had bothered me so badly about the premise of Santa Claus.
We spend the year teaching our children they’ve been saved by grace and Jesus loves them solely because they are a child of God. And yet, every December they receive the message that they must do good to “get” and if they don’t behave they’ll get a big ol’ fat lump of coal.
I feel as though I’d be telling them to perform if I taught them this.
Dance monkeys, dance.
I am horrified by the thought that my children would ever believe that their value, worth, or what they deserve is based on how they perform or behave.
My children are humans.
They mess up, fall down, lash out and misbehave. They’ve been known to lie, hit each other, steal each other’s toys and say hateful things.
They’ve also been known to hug each other, help each other out, say a kind word of encouragement and be honest when it was easier to lie.
Is there a cosmic scale somewhere balancing their good behaviors against their bad ones?
Thank God, no.
No one is counting their missteps and neither am I.
We are forgiven, no matter what
The more I have learned of Jesus, the more I have fallen in love with who He is. The more I have come to love why He loves us.
My Father in heaven is not bending low to count my mistakes, because His son already made Himself low to pay the cost for them all.
My Father in heaven is not bending low to count my mistakes because His son already made Himself low to pay the cost for them all.Click To TweetHe is not demanding goodness in exchange for anything — especially out of a person that is incapable of performing to His expectations.
It is not my performance He is looking at because He’s too busy staring at the face of His beloved Son, Jesus, and sees me in Him.
More than anything, I want my boys to know that Jesus died for them.
Jesus loves them and died for them when they didn’t deserve it.
Jesus fought for them BEFORE they ever even chose Him.
I want them to see that even on their worst days—particularly on their worst days—they’re still getting grace. Not a lump of coal.
We’re not overly concerned about Santa. We enjoy Christmas movies with Santa and send cute Santa-wrapped gifts, but we have refused to teach our kids that Santa is real and this is all because of grace.
If we preach grace all year long, we believe Christmas should be grace-filled as well.
This is exactly why I too do not tell my kids about Christmas being for Santa. Among other things as well, such as we do not do Christmas tree either in our home. There are many things in this world that we have adapted to as tradition… But most traditions in this world started as a peagan worship to Baal and stamping a fun festive holiday on it to make it better does not please the Lord!!! I love your article girl, you did fabulous!!!! God too is revealing to me the reasons why lieing to our kids about Santa is harmful and wrong. I was not raised with Santa after the age of I think 5-6 and will not be raising my kids in this lie either!! God is good and He guides us parents in what to say, when to say it and all we need to raise our kiddos in truth!!! God bless!!!
Thank you for your thoughts, Pamela! I’m glad you enjoyed this.
I love your heart and your boys will understand truth and grace even more as you hold to truth. We always told our boys that Santa was a legend and we had a book that talked about his wanting to do good for others.
Thank you, Char!
Yes and Amen! My daughter and I host a podcast (Changing Our Minds) and we got into this whole thing -in a sort of unplanned fashion!- on our All Things Christmas episode! I love how well you articulated the WHY that you discovered! Well done!
Thank you, Karrilee!
I really do love your points about grace, that is so very true!! We did do Santa when my kids were little but we did not make him a big deal. It wasn’t anything about if they were good, those terms weren’t used. We chose to tell our kids that Santa only brought one of their gifts and we had to order and pay for the gift. We didn’t think it was right that Santa got credit for hard work to pay for gifts. We wanted them to know with even the one gift from Santa, it was still from mom & dad, it’s just he brought it from the North Pole and to them that was still cool 🙂
Nice, April, I like that point. The fact that Santa would get credit for all of the hard work just doesn’t seem right! I’m pretty sure a good friend of mine does that same kind of idea, Santa brings one, but mom and dad do the rest. 🙂 I’m so glad you stopped by today and commented!